A Buddhist's Diary, February 20th 2009

These photos were taken at the town of Ajo in southern Arizona.
Ajo is a mining town, and like many towns in the West I think it was a Phelps Dodge place.
Phelps Dodge built elegant city centers in their company towns. In the town of Morenci I am told, they destroyed the town to get at the copper and then built another town. Ajo is now a struggling but beautiful place, blessed with some lovely buildings as well as run down workers' housing. Phelps Dodge built a town called Playa in New Mexico in the 60 or 70's. I drove by it one day and found a whole neat little town with working traffic lights and not a soul in sight! It had never been inhabited. Now Playa is an urban warfare training facility. Phelps Dodge was eaten by Rio Tinto I think. And the Chinese are buying Rio Tinto aren't they?

Does any of this matter?

A Buddhist's Diary, February 19th 2009

If the road wasn't basically red, the patches wouldn't show in such an interesting way.

I have been reading up on Zen painting. The main advice seems to be not to concentrate too hard and to practice making circles. Yes. But I find it helpful to 'find' the dominant shape in an object so I can make it one flowing line. My lines get ugly lumps in them on the right hand side when my hand is slightly cramped. I will keep working on it, but I know I must empty my mind.

Just like Zen archery.

A Buddhist's Diary, February 18th 2009

When the Big Muddy Ranch in central Oregon became Rajneeshpuram, I visited there regularly. At first I was welcomed by warm and happy people, eager to show me their gardens and agriculture. I was impressed. My only reservation was the lack of children and the impermanence of the buildings. Still I believed it was a place of goodwill and interesting ideas. In the following years there was a tension about the place. It became evident that there was a pretty stringent class structure with a very few haves and a whole lot of over-worked have-nots. When the poisonings occurred I saw the results from the other side, as I was dating a county judge at the time.

What happened here? I think a lot of well meaning people couldn't bear to realize that they were in pirates' hands.

Years later I found an old LP of Shri Rajneesh talking. I played it on the air in the middle of the night. It was hilariously wise. Among his sayings: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Things could have turned out differently.

A Buddhist's Diary, February 17th 2009

As a child I could sometimes put myself into a state of absolute realization of my insignificance in the scheme of things and of my amazing luck in being alive and aware. I did this by staring hard at a leaf or a piece of woven fabric or any textured object. When I told my dad about this he was impressed and told me I was a very lucky person. I wasn't so sure, because it was a little scary. I didn't do it too often. Years later one of my daughters told me that she had had the same experience, but she had found it terrifying. I told her what my dad had told me. I also wondered if other people who had this experience called it a panic attack, which I used to hear about on a.m. radio call-in shows in the middle of the night. My daughter thought this 'awakening' experience was quite different from a panic attack.

Some forms of Buddhism believe in instant nirvana which could strike like a revelation. Of course this was frowned upon by rulers who depended on the endless quiet meditation practiced by their people to keep order. I do not think this amazing and sobering experience was any form of enlightenment, because neither I nor my daughter were any wiser for it.

More likely a form of epilepsy?

A Buddhist's Diary February 16th 2009

I have been reading about Zen philosophy on the internet. I am in a Motel 6 (Pets free!) and really enjoying the WiFi. Having read more than my little mind can absorb, I have decided that some things are lost in translation. 'No' in Japanese must have implications too subtle to jump the Pacific. Endless discussions on duality etc. My solution for all this is to translate 'no' as 'ah' and 'emptiness' as 'ha'.
If a dog is a sentient being, can it achieve nirvana? I say ah, meaningless question. Why expend energy? All fades and flourishes, slips and slides from being to nothingness and around.

A Buddhist's Diary February 15th 2009

I am watching TV for the first time in years. I have the sound down. It is a terrible thing to say,
but I don't see any attractive people. I myself am so ugly that I should not be allowed to speak on the subject, but what an odd looking bunch I'm seeing. It is so easy to judge people by their looks, and so absolutely wrong.
I have been reading 'The Tale of Genji'. I think Japan at around the year 1000 was mostly Buddhist, and the characters in the book were, but how a person looked (and behaved) was the only thing that seemed to be important. Looks are everything I guess.

A Buddhist's Diary, February 14th 2009

Long ago my first husband was an archer. He tried Zen archery and was surprised at how effective it could be, but he realized that an empty mind was necessary to perform well, and he could not always keep his mind empty as he brought down the bow and released the arrow.
This year I am trying Zen painting. I do not know anything about Zen painting, but I did study Sumi painting once. My teacher emphasized that every brush stroke must be 'gracive'. I like this word. I try to make every brush stroke gracive, and I try to minimize the strokes. It is fun to analyze an object into a very few strokes, but it is difficult to actually get the brush to move with grace on the paper. Most of my attempts are awful and they don't seem to be improving with time.

A Buddhist's Diary, February 13th 2009

I stayed at Cottonwood Cove near Searchlight Nevada. The hosts there were playing loud music in the evening. I saw that they were dancing together in the dark. "For Valentine's Day," they said. The desert flowers are just beginning to bloom. Spring. Love. Hormones. At my age all easy to resist.

A Buddhist's Diary February 12th 2009

Driving through a rather grotty desert area in California I saw two brightly painted pagoda like structures back from the road. Then I saw the Bodhisattva of compassion presiding serenely over a long double line of other Buddhas. The Keep Out signs made it clear that this was a private place. I stopped and got as near as I could to take the photograph. It is a Vietnamese retreat center, and they did list a phone number. I wish there had been someone around to talk.

A Buddhist's Diary, February 11th 2009

A lovely, peaceful place, but there are signs warning of the presence of drug smugglers and 'illegal aliens', and the trails are littered each morning with food and drink containers. A small camper with covered windows pulled over at a trailhead just as I left the trail. I prepared my smile and 'hello', but the driver got out and hid behind the vehicle.
I know that these people are needy. I know I have no animosity, but I still wish they were not there.
A woman in Juarez told me that if drugs were legalized in the U.S. and the illegal drug business dried up "there would be nothing here". But Juarez existed for hundreds of years before the drug lords moved in.
There are Buddhists in Juarez. Courteous and formal people. One does not discuss these topics. Things change.

February 10th 2009

In the lonely places where I prefer to be, the air is so clean it feels as though it could heal all ills. People are so widely spaced that each one of us seems unique and entire. Growing up in relative emptiness is a gift.

Maybe not. The world is teeming and we should accept that. It leads to culture, and sophisticated and challenging thought. But I've been told that children from the lonely places often do well in this world.

I think the real answer is that it doesn't matter. We live. We die. Where doesn't matter.

February 9th 2009

I never was much of a smoker, but I found a Cuban cigar at a campsite. It is a splendid object. I lit up and smoked a little. It had already been smoked a little. I put it in the bear-proof food box for someone else to puff on. At least ten unsanitary people might experience it.
I have found many things in my travels, but this is my first, and I hope last Cuban cigar.

February 8th 2009

I love to travel alone. I have my two dogs, but they don't argue with me about where, when and how we will travel or what we will eat or where we will stop to take a picture. There is no question that this can be looked on as selfishness, but on the other hand, anyone I tried to share with would have an equally 'selfish' point of view. We would be unhappy. As a Good Wife, many years ago, I always went along with my husband's ideas, partly so I could wordlessly blame him when things went wrong. I grew out of that nastiness fairly quickly.
One of the very early Buddhist teachings, perhaps by the Buddha, was that one should journey through life alone, or with a like minded person, if one was available.

February 7th 2009

Night travelers leave milk containers and deodorant sticks along the hiker trails in this magical place. Even with the bad economy the drugs and humans come this way with high hopes.

The nights are very cold this time of year. The babies cold and hungry. The drug smugglers desperate.

The cliffs are smeared with chartreuse lichen, the rocks are bright red-orange. The precious water flows thinly.

February 6th 2009

God believers ask themselves 'why does god allow suffering?' We others say 'fate' or it is. What does this mean?

When the possible death of a young woman with young children comes into my life I can't deal with it. There is nothing abstract about her suffering. It is agony that makes her want to die. Why?

Her pain will certainly reincarnate in the way her children and grandchildren live their lives.

The only possible answer is compassion. Then more compassion.

February 5th 2009

Pudgalanairatmya means 'absence of self-hood'. This is what Buddhists aim at. Consider the word 'selfish' and its implications.

If I really practiced pudgalanairatmyer I could walk into instant death without a qualm. But I am attached to myself and the passing pleasures of my life. To reach a point of absolute non-selfness is a terrifying goal!

Perhaps one day I may attain it. Even as I write this I find myself thinking 'but not until I'm really old.'

February 4th 2009

Some Buddhists are carnivores and some are not. Our human dentition indicates that we are equipped for 'flesh tearing', as my school biology teacher used to say with relish. Well yes. I think we are also born wired to kill. Attack. Dominate. Have a baby a year and die. Could our thinking minds evolve us out of this? No. Unless we vegetarians kill all the carnivores for n generations, then kill all the killers. I guess we could sterilize instead. That would take care of population problems too, though I guess there wouldn't be one once we got rid of all the killers and carnivores........... I guess there wouldn't be anyone left.

I had a dairy cow once and I know she was a sentient being. A co-worker once told me that when she was at the University of Nebraska she kept a headless chicken alive for months. She dropped dough nut crumbs and water into the chickens esophagus. She put stints in to keep the airway and esophagus open. She didn't know if the chicken still experienced anything like thought or emotion, but she said it was unquestionably a living creature. A farmer had brought it in because it wouldn't die and he thought it interesting.

February 3rd 2009

Asoka was an acclaimed warrior and ruler until he was converted to a humane way of thinking.

When I was in India, I saw a carved stone. It was a proclamation from Asoka that every community in his influence should have free medical clinics for both humans and animals. I don't have the details or the date of this announcement, but it was one hell of a long time ago.

I can't quite see that happening again any time soon.

February 2nd 2009

What are animal rights? Where do we draw the line? I met a rat in a swimming pool in Jaipur, India. The hotel staff came with a net and tenderly removed the rat and deposited him or her on the other side of a wall.

My father did this endlessly with baby rabbits who inevitably ate every sprouting vegetable in his hopeful garden.

Feb 1st 2009

I try to respect the views and beliefs of other people. The trouble lies with respecting beliefs and customs that I really want to change!

The United Nations has a charter of human rights. Cultural heritage or no, I feel no obligation to condone belief systems that impose on human rights. This is sticky. Probably a lot of young girls want to be 'circumcised' because they feel they will become a true woman after the procedure. And what about male circumcision? And scarification?
Or animal rights? Now that is dangerous territory indeed!

I can see now that spending a month in the wilderness makes it impossible to keep up a diary on line. I don't give up easily, so eventually February, all 28 or 29 days as the case may be, (oh I guess 28) will show up as a great mass of meaningless words at some point in time. I am writing every day, and trying to keep it short, but I can't face any more hunting and pecking in this nice cafe in Ajo Arizona, so I will return to the wilderness for the time being.... Hasta la vista.