Sleeping woman

January 30th 2009

A sleeping woman reclines elegantly
among the mountains
overlooking Alamogordo.
As far as I know
she has started no cults.
She bears no resemblance to Mary of Guadelupe
or a Buddha.

I found fossilized shells
in the rock near her.
At some point she
must have risen
from an ancient ocean.

Long may she remain
a bunch of rock
that from some angles
looks like
a sleeping woman.

January 29th 2009

The rattlesnakes are still asleep
in the rocks, but we must step with care.
The Buddha did not say 'live carefully'
but he did say
do not associate with fools.
This seems a little elitist to me.
Not suffering fools gladly is not
considered a compliment among Christians.
I don't really believe
in fools as separate
because I think we are all fools.
Some of us are ignorant fools and some of us
are highly educated and intelligent fools.
And some of us are cruel fools.
Those I do try to avoid
because I know I can't help them.
Oh yes. Helping people.
The rattlesnakes stir when we
try to help others.

Fools that we are.

January 28th 2009


I have walked the third circle
around the Jokang Temple in Lhasa,
I have joined the leather tough people who
prostrate themselves at each step
for six or seven kilometers.
They travel hundreds of miles to do this.

And
I have walked, or rather climbed,
the stations of the cross
here at home.
Today at this lonely place I met two people
who resembled the Tibetans.
They had the beautiful ugliness
that sometimes goes with lives of privation.
These were Apaches.
Their silver conchos had been on their hatbands
for a hundred years I swear.
But their handshakes were too hard
for ghosts'.

I am ashamed of my urge to photograph them.

January 27th 2009

Another toe-stubber for people attempting to
understand Buddhism is
the bewildering array of words
with lots of 'A's and 'K's in them.
Take the word 'mahavairocanabhisambodhi'.
It is the name of a tantra associated with a
Buddhist cult.
If no-one can translate that word into English,
how about a number?

Because I am almost incapable of learning
these Pali and Sanscrit words,
I'll introduce a few.
Today's word is 'parivrajakas',
which means 'wanderers'.
These were the voluntarily homeless
who were the first followers of Buddha.
In the rainy season the parivrajakas tended to settle
down together for shelter.

And thus began Organization, Argument and Schism.

January 26th 2009


For decades it has been the fashion
to revere Mother Nature,
to give at least lip service to
the idea of conservation.
But when I look at 'nature'
I see the law of tooth and claw
and I don't want to acknowledge
that that is how we survive.

But we have advanced brains, I'm told.
We can think in the abstract. We can understand
that harmonious coexistence
will lead to a better world for humans.....
oh yes and for other animals and the environment.

There is an assumption here.
That humans have the unnatural self control
to live without violence.

We're working on it.

Aren't we?

A Buddhist's Diary January 25th 2oo9

Oh I could blether on
about drops of water and their
fleeting..... blah blah.

My camera would like to apologize
for not catching them
in perfect beingness.

****

It is Burns' nicht.
And Chinese new year of the ox.
I must drink some whiskey
to honor my ancestors.

And eat sticky rice and haggis.

Alas there is none.

A Buddhist's Diary, January 24th 2oo9

A merchant asked a Zen artist
for a painting of a rooster.
"Come back in a year," the artist said.
In a year the merchant returned
and asked for the painting.

The artist said "oh yes."
He turned to his brushes and in a few strokes
painted a rooster.
"That took a year?" asked the merchant.
The artist opened a cabinet and
ten thousand paintings of a rooster cascaded out.

January 23rd. Painting horses.

Decades ago
I studied Sumi painting.
Now I call it Zen painting.
It's clear to me
that my practice attempts
on scrap paper
are far better than the efforts that I put
in my formal sketch book.

When I practice I'm playing and relaxed,
but when I get serious, I concentrate
and ruin everything.

I'm a Buddha you're a Buddha.......

I was named for the Buddha of compassion,
because this form of Buddha protects children and travelers.
I have many children, now grown and creeping toward middle age,
and I am also an itinerant.
I could be described as a compulsive traveler,
but I prefer to think that my transient beingness
is as a transient!

All these different Buddhas are a bit of a trial to me.
84,000 is a number one hears.
There are tankas and other art works showing
hundreds of different looking Buddhas,
and there are people who know them all.

Someone gave me a St Christopher medal to carry with me.
In respect for her kindness, and perhaps with sub-conscious superstition,
I keep it in the bottom of my purse.
I'm not keen on saints, and I'm not keen on
all those Buddhas
either.
After all there is a Buddha in each of us.

Could we leave it at that?

A Buddhist's Diary January 21st 2oo9

Some see these clouds as beautiful. Some attribute them to planes from the nearby base and passing airline flights.
'Evil," they say.

But does evil, as they see it, preclude beauty?
'No,' I say, but it tinges appreciation with despair.

Right thinking is so hard!

I need to detach from wasted thought.

(But cleaner airplanes would be good, no matter how these lovely clouds came into visibility.)

A Buddhist's Diary, January 20th 2oo9

January 20th 2oo9

What if our new administration were all Buddhas?

Or what if they were all Buddhists?
Would they settle into warring camps?
Would they be tried beyond endurance?

There was a time when Buddhists expected the demise of
their belief.

Perhaps it happened
I don't know

I don't think so.

A Buddhist's Diary January 19th 2009

The ten grave precepts are similar to the ten commandments. You don't need a lot of gray stuff to catch their drift

(1)
Do not kill
(2)
Do not steal
(3)
Do not be greedy
(4)
Do not lie
(5)
Do not be ignorant
(6)
Do not talk about others' faults
(7)
Do not elevate yourself by criticizing others
(8)
Do not be miserly
(9)
Do not get angry
(10)
Do not speak ill of the three treasures.

It is interesting that ignorance is considered a very bad state to be in. I like personal responsibility of this kind.

A Buddhist's Diary Jan 18 2009

Well the eight-fold path doesn't exactly define 'rightness' does it? I mean what exactly is 'rightness' of livelihood?. We can be fairly sure that it means we should earn a living in such a way as does no harm and may do good. Once more though, we must define 'harm' and 'good'. Headache. So Buddhists have the sixteen precepts. The first three are called treasures:

(1) Be one with the Buddha
(2) Be one with the Dharma (teachings)
(3) Be one with the Sangha (Buddhist community)


Then come the next three called pure precepts:

(1) Do not commit evil
(2) Do good
(3) Do good for others

January 17th 2009

Buddhism is full of numbered laws and instructions. First among these are the four noble truths. The form they take is supposedly modeled on the medical reports of 2500 years ago in India.


These are what the Buddha realized in his meditation.
(1)
There is suffering
(2)
Suffering is caused by craving.
(3)
Suffering can be eliminated.
(4)
Suffering can be eliminated by following the eight-fold path.

The eight-fold path?

Rightness of
belief
resolve
speech
action
livelihood
effort
thought
meditation.

That covers a lot of ground.
But wait! There's more!

Later.

January 16th 2009.

Why does a violet persist in popping out flowers when the nights are still below freezing? This one has its ears gnawed by the cold. There must be an advantage in this evolved cranny. The violet has found its place.

My friend says she has no place in life. She searches for like souls to establish a loving community.

I can't say to her 'where you hang your hat.....'. She would say 'but I have no hat.'

January 15th 2009

There are people who believe that American Indian culture, mostly of the past, can explain absolutely everything. It seems to me that this need to have some group or figure in which to find refuge, to look up to and idealize, is irresponsible. We cannot know what the beings on the rock were, or what they represent. All I can know is that their art is haunting.

We hurtle through this world listening, thinking, deciding. We find refuge only in ourselves.

You are what you think, the Buddha said.

January 14th 2009
Buddhism came to Japan from Korea about a thousand years after the Buddha was born. It became the state religion and was the preserve of aristocrats who liked the pacifist teachings. Buddhism became very wealthy and corrupt.
In the twelfth and thirteenth centuries a more simple form of Buddhism came from China. There were two forms. Rinzai Buddhism was favored by the ruling classes while Soto Zen was adopted by peasants.

My ancestors were Scots. Seeking to identify with these people I read a little Scottish history. I came away reeling with horror. What a rabble of plundering murderers! And yet Scotland has produced far more than its share of well educated doctors, teachers and engineers who became a diaspora of technical skills during the nineteenth century. Something was right.

When I try to understand the history of Buddhism in Japan, I am overwhelmed by stories of warring monasteries, forced registration as Buddhists and other horrors. What can I say. Look at Christianity? Let's not. The arrival and development of Zen in Japan did not signal an age of milk and honey (so to speak!). Japan was a troubled country for much of its history, and the country was closed and ingrown for several centuries.

Soto Zen Buddhism came to America. It is becoming American Zen Buddhism. It would be nice to think that we represent a beautiful ideal. Unfortunately, as an itinerant, I find that many zendos are elitist and secretive. Just about any Christian church welcomes anyone who walks through the door. Why is Buddhism different? I don't know.

January 13th 2009

A Bodisattva kept falling asleep
when he was meditating.

Angry at himself,
he cut off his eyelids.

The eyelids fell to the ground
and a tea plant grew up
where they lay.

January 12th 2009

I sometimes embarrass myself among more sophisticated people with my habit of delighting in small things. Old, broken glass strewn on bare, desiccated earth for instance. The patterns that my eyes feed to my mind give me joy.

Long before I became a Buddhist I wrote a short story about a hermit who lived in the top of a tree for hundreds of years, trying to attain nirvana. Every morning he would wake to see the beauty of the earth, and he could not let go. He was stuck in that tree.

There is nothing serene or centered in the enjoyment I get from looking at a bottle top or a gum wrapper. It is just plain fun. Am I attached to gum wrappers, metaphorically speaking? No. There's a leaf, a bumper sticker or the shape of a roof top to look at and then there's........

What is this surface, visual, mental enjoyment? Is it deeply shallow or shallowly deep even to dwell on it?

January 11th 2009

I don't know what child rearing practices were like in the Buddha's day, but I imagine that children were coerced into some sort of respect for their elders.
I was getting quite smug about my growing ability to stay empathetic and calm in trying situations, then a grandchild came to visit. My house of cards collapsed. I am not used to being ordered about by an eight-year-old. I don't take it well. My own children were either afraid of me or sorry for me. In any event they were 'good' kids. My children's children march in freedom to a different drummer. It's not that simple, because they appear to be in a constant search for reaction from their elders. When I was a child I left the house early and returned late. I was out on the marshes and rivers and in the streets. My parents were much too busy leading their lives to bother much about us kids. We grew and learned with our peers. At school we were routinely hit by our teachers if we did not know our work or if we misbehaved. Today most parents are terrified to allow their children out of sight. Every moment is adult supervised. If a teacher so much as speaks loudly to a middle class child he or she is in Big Trouble.

One set of grand-children attended a Buddhist pre-school. It was only a few hours a day, but it did seem to create a little gentleness. Not much though. I think that children should be forced into a code of acceptable behavior in society, but left to shift for themselves among their peers for as much time as possible. As they grow, society will close in on them, at school and work and with their own families. The Code will take over, but what they learned in their childhood among their peers will teach them the law of tooth and claw that seems to underlie most of our behaviors. Perhaps they will also have learned their own inner tenderness and creativity.

January 10th 2009

There are probably thousands of books and lectures on meditation. How do you do it? Can you meditate faster so you can get out in half an hour instead of an hour? A very common instruction is to imagine a creek or river. When intransigent thoughts stray to mind, think of a leaf floating downstream. Let it go. Let the thought go.
Can we think without words? If we stop forming words in our minds will we be in a true meditative state? Well, try it. If I can clear words from the top layer of my mind, words from my subconscious percolate up to consciousness and replace them.

I worked a night shift for thirty years. When I first started that shift, I would come home exhausted in the morning and fall into bed. One of my daughters would come and sit on my feet and read to me. Her soft little voice would fade slowly until I heard the faint sound but not the meaning of the words. She was offended when I fell asleep while she was reading. I think that in meditation, the best thing to do is to slow and quiet the mind until it approaches stillness (but not sleep!). A lovely thing to try. Some people say that sleep is a form of meditation.

Later.

January 9th 2009

Even the blue sky looks harsh in this picture, doesn't it? The abandoned shopping cart, the dead grass, the vandalized skate-board park. No sentient beings in sight.

Am I digging out old stored prejudices, or the diligently acquired knowledge of personal experience?
I look at the skate-board park and see hopeless kids scrawling graffiti over painted out graffiti. I see an equally hopeless old man pushing his groceries back to his cat stinking apartment then pushing the cart out into the park so no-one will know he borrowed it.

Or do I see a beaming, sunlit day, a skate-board park where kids will swoop as lovely as swallows when they get out of school? And the shopping cart probably served a useful purpose.

Or do I just see a fairly interesting composition for my camera's ever-hungry eye?

Eyes see. Minds interpret. It would be better to kiss the moment hello/goodbye. But then what would I write about?

January 8th 2009

I found Buddhism when I was looking for a Quaker meeting. As far as I know there are no organized Quakers in this area, but when I was looking for Quakers in the Yellow Pages, I came across a Zen Buddhist entry in the 'churches' section. I called the number and soon found myself fairly certain that I was where I wanted to be.
When I was ten, I found a book called 'The Way of Zen' by Alan Watts. I read it through and was intrigued, but felt that the whole thing was rather silly. Like my brother. It was his book and I thought him silly too. I must find a copy of that book and reread it. Later in life I noticed that people who I admired sometimes turned out to be Buddhist. I worked the night shift in a hospital, and for a couple of years I noticed that the Emergency Department functioned efficiently and harmoniously even in extremely difficult situations. Not all the ED staff, but several of them were Buddhist. Something had to be right! The happy confluence dissolved and screaming mayhem resumed. I hasten to add that I have been in other harmonious group situations where nobody was Buddhist!

I have been told that it is rare for people to become Buddhist through the example of others. This shouldn't be true. If we take Buddhism seriously we should attempt to live in a kind and thoughtful way. It is often difficult to decide on what is kind and what is unwise. This keeps life interesting.

January 7th 2009

So where and how did Buddhism originate? Many people know that a boy named Siddhartha Gautama was born about five hundred years before Christ in an area that is now the border between Nepal and India. We may also know that he led a sheltered life, and when he first saw old age, disease and death he was appalled. Leaving his home and family he became a wanderer and eventually sat down under a tree and came up with Buddhism.
But precursers of Buddhism all ready existed. There were earlier wonderers. Two of the teachers that Siddhartha met in his wanderings taught him to meditate into either a state of nothingness or something like it. Siddhartha realized that this didn't really solve anything, so he wandered on and tried extreme deprivation of food and comfort. This also did not solve the problem of suffering. He then realized that balance and harmony in life was the right way. The middle way. As he thought more about the cycle of birth and death, he realized that 'all things are devoid of unchanging selfhood'. He realized that suffering amounts to nothing. Soon he was delegating his teachings to some of his followers who spread the word further. It is strange to think that this difficult teaching could have caught on, but as well as teaching this philosophy, the Buddha also explained how a way of living could lead to nirvana.

Enough.

January 6th 2009

There is an elephant in the room and I must acknowledge it. So far I have been writing about Buddhism as though there were only one form. This is far from the truth. Buddhism is different in different societies. It has absorbed the beliefs and customs of the cultures it has contacted.

I write from the point of view of a Zen Buddhist, but like most of us, I admire and respect the Tibetan Buddhist Dalai Lama absolutely. I'm told that in Tibet there are many Buddhist sects, not all on good terms with each other, but I think that the Dalai Lama transcends these differences, not only in Tibet but around the world.
Buddhism is also very adaptable. The Dalai Lama has said that if science proved a Buddhist concept to be wrong, Buddhists should respect science and modify their thoughts accordingly, but without losing the deep meaning of Buddhism. Quite unusual. And to me, extraordinarily admirable.'

Well we dragged that pachyderm out, but there's another one behind the couch. This one is in the form of a question: Is Buddhism a religion or a philosophy? For most people it is a religion. For me it is a philosophy, or a guide to living. The reason for this is that for me there is no God keeping an eye on me. I notice that many American Buddhists refer to God as though he were an old white man up in the clouds as they learned in Sunday school. Others believe in a more amorphous force. I am told that it is possible to be both a Buddhist and a Baptist, or any other religion. I could not do this. I don't sense any sort of god at all. But there again, there is an infinity I don't sense.

January 5th 2009

Probably the most annoying thing about Buddhism for most people is its enigmatic character. Take koans for example. Koans are basically riddles. Serious students are given koans to think about for the rest of their lives. A famous koan asks: 'Who is the master?' Apparently it is possible to spend a lifetime plumbing the depths of this question.
Having been born and bred a contrary, my immediate answer would be 'no-one is the master'. I suppose this is an unsatisfactory answer because it leaves the question 'who is no-one' unanswered. I could then say 'I am no-one, you are no-one'. Then the question is 'which no-one are you?' etc. True, this is wordplay, but if one is sincerely interested in Buddhism, it does require one to think seriously about what at first seem very silly matters.
Can a person learn wisdom? I don't think anyone is born wise. I'm not sure that mulling over koans produces wisdom, but it might help. Is it easy to recognize wisdom in another being? No. You have to be wise to recognize wisdom. Not me.

January 4th 2009

Attachment is considered extremely undesirable in Buddhism. But I love my children. How can I not have an attachment? I have read that in some Asian countries, the (male) head of household simply walks away from everything to a new life of meditation when he is about fifty. His obligation to his children is probably over. For these men, life is divided into three sections: learning, earning and meditation. This sounds cold to Westerners. It doesn't mesh with the idea of ancestor worship and respect for elders etc that we hear about. How do the women feel about this? Do they keep the home fires burning? Do they become nuns? Or do they just accept it and get on with enjoying life?


Perhaps the word 'needy' makes more sense than 'attached'. Some of us remember the sixties and the words 'if you love her let her go'. Much jeered at and misinterpreted then and now.

The thing to remember is that not being attached does not mean not loving.

January 3rd 2009

Yesterday I wrote a little about the complex, difficult essence of Buddhism. Fortunately, overlying this are the pragmatic teachings that instruct us in the ideal way that we can live.
The Buddha is said to have said that each of us is what we think. We are what we think. Now wait a minute. Aren't the Five Aggregates empty? Isn't thought one of the aggregates? Does that make me nothing? Well, yes, in a way. But as long as we are thinking and functioning in our perceived world, if we think with universal compassion and empathy, if we think with kindness and love, we will share a little sweetness. The more we forget ourselves and see our place in the world without greed, the more satisfied we will be. The thing that drove me from religion long ago was the dangling carrot policy that all religions seem to practice. Do this and you'll go to Heaven. Promise? Well didn't I just write something a little like that? Be good and you'll be happy. Looks a bit like bribery. But who's doing the bribing? Better to think that by spreading compassion we are spreading compassion. Leave it there.

January 2nd 2009

If you were to accompany me to the Zendo on a Sunday you would find yourself joining in the energetic chant of the Heart Sutra. The words would surprise you. They would probably also intrigue and repel you as well.
In the Heart Sutra, a Bodhisattva, an enlightened one, is teaching a student that the 'Five Aggregates' are empty. The Five Aggregates are the senses and mind functions that cause a being to believe in itself as person, thought, consciousness. Some Buddhists believe that the Heart Sutra should not be interpreted literally. That empty doesn't mean empty as we normally interpret that word.

What can we make of this? I don't know. For myself I think that each of us is so infinately insignificant as to amount to nothing as a being. This does not exonerate us from acting responsibly, because I am part of this evanescent entity. I am no where but everywhere. I am an invisible blur, but I still have a contribution to make.
Wow! What a load of BS I hear, not just from any reader, but also from my own finite mind.

January First 2009

I must be the most ignorant ordained Buddhist on the face of the earth.

I don't feel unworthy. The Rochis who invited me to be ordained had their reasons. I hope to be able to keep this diary on a daily basis, but since internet access is not often available to me, I will post it in chunks.

Today I broke the law. A friend and I went to White Sands and let the dogs run loose in a remote area. The weather was perfect. A little snow still overlay the sand in dune shadows. The dogs were filled with joy. We ate Long John Silver's fish and corn on the cob. My friend meditated and allowed the sun to warm her. I walked and photographed.

As Buddhists, we attempt to always be in the moment which of course is impossible because there is no moment, just the ephemerality of passing time. To live in the 'moment' or slide down time is easy enough when sliding down a dune, but it isn't so easy when sliding through the mundanities of every-day life.

Is it possible to keep constantly in mind that our sentient existence is an infinitely rare and precious speck in what we perceive as time? Seize the moment? Sure. Grab a handful of air and make a sculpture.